Happy Mother's Day?

This Mother’s Day, May 12, 2013, a day after my 42^nd birthday is one of the most difficult days I've ever experienced in recent years. For on this Mother’s Day, I have not been able to contact my mother. Ever since February 2013, she has intentionally blocked ALL of my phone numbers from being able to contact her. And, if she sees a call come from my area code, she doesn't answer it just in case it might be me. Furthermore, if I call from a different area code and she answers as soon as she realizes it is me on the line, she hangs up the call immediately.

Now, this all came as a result of a situation that happened between her pastor and my teenage son where the Bishop threatened my son about playing the organ one Sunday at his church in the presence of my mother and my sister. Long story short, I confronted the Bishop using the Biblical model, and although he admitted to the threat and said he would apologize, he has yet to. However, my mother made it very clear whose side she was on, as of there were really sides to pick. Consequently, many secrets, cover-ups and conspiracies have been revealed and uncovered to the point that the State Attorney’s Office, the Department of Children & Families (DCF) and the IRS have all inquired.

But I digress. Out of all the information uncovered, what I uncovered personally was probably the most hurtful, disgusting and painful. You see, I was adopted at age three from within my mother’s family. However, even though I was adopted within the family, at age five my biological mother, who was my mother’s niece, was forbidden to have ANY contact with me. (You’ll have to read my upcoming novel, “Secrets From A Small Town Preacher” for the specific details of that night.) In addition to that, my name was completely changed. (first, middle and last), and I was constantly told I wasn't adopted.

All throughout my childhood I was pretty much given everything I wanted. However, it was not without a price. It was all so I would be what my parents wanted me to be…an educator. So, when I went to college, I was scolded for not majoring in Education. When I was called to preach, I was constantly told “You don’t need to worry about that foolishness.”

As I began to pastor and become very successful in  made ministry my mother constantly on a daily basis made negative comments to me about being a full-time pastor; how I need to get a real job; how I need to finish my degree (even though I have my bachelor’s degree); and how music is my calling not pastoring. The Bible declares you’ll know them by their fruit. Without embellishment or exaggeration, the fruit of my nearly twenty years of ministry is easily and clearly discernible. However, my mother, a church clerk and secretary, a pastor's daughter, has not attended a church I've pastored or heard me preach in person in thirteen years. My father has NEVER heard me preach or ever attended a church I've pastored. So all the criticism over the years of my ministry certainly is not because of seeing it and being disappointed in what she saw. It is simply because I have been told over and over again how much of a disappointment I turned out to be. As a matter of fact, out of all the accomplishments, opportunities and blessings I have been blessed with, not one time has my mother or father congratulated me. Not one time has my mother told me she’s proud of me and my accomplishments. Even at the highest points of my ministry, they have refused to share or attend. She has always found some way to kill the excitement of the moment.

After moving here to Tampa, Florida my son was supposed to move her at the end of his school year. However, things didn't go as planned and to keep him in a stable environment while things stabilized in Tampa, she offered for my son to stay with them until whenever I was ready for him to move. I thought I could trust my parents. I thought in a vulnerable state the support of my family was genuine. However, in the last number of weeks, I have discovered that while caring for my son, my mother was creating scenarios with the intent of “taking my son from me” so he could be what I couldn't be for them. Although they constantly said, “We don’t want your son for ourselves. We just want to help you and his mom with him.” I never really trusted that statement because they always said it without provocation. She would even occasionally try to have me sign notarized documents with the notary present just in case there was an emergency for my son. As I have discovered, she as always celebrating others successes and telling me how well my peers are doing and how I proud she is of them.

My son has always wanted to be a Dentist when he goes to college, however, she has constantly berated him about how he needs to get a degree in Education…even though that isn’t what he wants to do. She has tried to convince my son not to move back with me in Tampa. She has tried to convince him to attend college in town where they live, major in Education, get a job teaching and stay there with her and his grandfather. She has tried to my son negative things about me to persuade him not to love me or at least not to want to be around me. She has spoken negatively about me to extended family members and church members. My mother has endorsed lying to my niece about her being adopted and upon my niece finding out that my sister and husband have lied to her about being adopted since age four, my mother told her that I was wrong for telling my niece the truth when she asked me.

Since February, while under investigation by DCF recently for possible child endangerment she made up some of the nastiest, evil stories about me with the hope of incriminating me to DCF…again with the intent of my son not moving back with me and hopefully getting temporary custody of him. My mother even has attempted to enlist the help and support of my son’s mother who is under court-order to pay child support and has never paid a dime.  There are many other incredibly mean things that have been done towards me over the last three months since I confronted her pastor in February. I will not mention some of them because of ongoing investigations. Even as many events from the past and present that my mother has been involved in have been revealed not one time has my mother apologized, given an explanation or even acknowledged them. She has still never apologized for intentionally keeping my biological mother (her niece) totally out of my life while still lying about my being adopted.  As a matter of fact, she lied to my teenage son just a month ago about me NOT being adopted not knowing my son already knew that I was adopted. She and my father have openly vowed to spend whatever money they have to discredit me and to “keep” my son with them instead of with me.

Although I write this in tears and in pain, because I have not been able to wish my mother a Happy Mother’s Day, I do realize through the pain, I am blessed despite the lies, manipulation and cover-ups. I am blessed with 3 beautiful adult daughters and a teenage son. I have a successful ministry that God continues to use me, daily through preaching, music and consultation. I am blessed with a church family that loves me. I have been blessed with friends who have proven themselves to be friendly. I have established a relationship with my biological mother and I’m now working towards establishing a relationship with my younger brother and sister as well.  I’m an author. I’m launching my stand-up comedy debut tour this summer. I really am blessed and highly favored. Although I’m disappointed, hurt, confused and sometimes emotionally drained by what’s being uncovered, I also realized I’m blessed. I’m fortunate. I’m loved. And, I’ll be better after this than before this.

Happy Mother’s Day? Maybe not. But from the day after, I shall overcome this with happiness and a joy that’s unspeakable.

Robert L. Carpenter, II